FIVE (5) SIGNS THAT TELLS YOU YOUR MARRIAGE IS AT IT'S END

A man and a woman usually gets together, get married for love, happiness and to raise a family. While it is a beautiful and wonderful for some, it's simply a nightmarish experience to some. There are usually many evident signs that pin-points the end to a marriage. Though, most times it's a hard fact to face or swallow, even when you know that things are not just working any better. Many couples tend to overlook these problems. And while this may be noble, it is not always practical or realistic. Partners should be able to logically, reasonably and peacefully work through all barriers together as one as it is intended to be by natural law. The five (5) signs in these article should be able or it's intended to help you, if possible handle problems in your marriage or relationships. It could well help you to decide your future and happiness. The five (5) signs are:

YOU EXPECT A CHANGE FROM YOUR PARTNER
Usually you are expected to know your partner very well before you choose to commit your trust, happiness and love in marriage. But there comes a time you expect to see changes from certain disturbing behavior, especially the strange ones you just start to noticed like excessive drinking, late-night keeping, careless and hurtful comments, shabby treatments, snubbing and shunning etc. While they may change or not, forcing or waiting for them to change may be unrealistic, frustrating and deeply painful. You can not force a person to change, they only have to make sincere effort to change. Your friendly and sincere gesture to help them sometimes may be taken wrongly and it is you who gets hurt in the process. At these times be prepared for the worst. However, when you want to commit yourself to another person, you must be ready to believe in the person that exist in the real world and not the one that exist in your world of fantasy. By this way if you have any doubt or hesitation about such a person, reconsider and think twice.

YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED
This can include sex, affection, kissing, compliments, money or religion. If one of these things are not right in your current marriage, it is a major issue, especially if you need it to be happy. Take seriously about anything that is making you unsatisfied. That problem need to be addressed and ironed out for your marriage to move on. And whereby your partner is unwilling to listen or receive counseling on this subject, then take this another major sign. This sign is blatantly evident and needs to be resolved otherwise it will seriously deal a damaging blow to your marriage. Ideally both of you should seek true counseling to see if either or both of you wants the marriage to work or not before calling it quits.

YOU ARE FIGHTING ALL THE TIME
If you are constantly quarreling, scuffing, swearing, cursing, hauling sofas and other dangerous objects at each now and then and this has gone on for many years without any reasonable and peaceful resolution, then it is a more glaring sign that things will never get any better. Anger is a bad emotion to cook and carry about in the stomach. It affects not only you and your partner but, any child or children be involved at that point in time. This problem also affects your work, friends and extended families. Nursing anger and bitterness against your spouse affects everything that you say and do. It affects how you think, feel and treat your neighbor. It affects majorly your immediate family, especially your innocent kids who do not deserve psychological pains as a result of the endless battles. This sign is like ticking time bomb waiting to go off if not resolved squarely by immediate separation when nothing else can help after intense and deep hatred.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CLOSE
Wanting to be far away from your partner all the time and as much as possible is another major sign that your marriage is heading for the rocks. It shows clearly how bad you must be feeling. Couples are meant to be together, as much as possible all the time, as partners for life and not otherwise. Sometimes questions must be asked. Why should you be with somebody and yet you can not be at ease, happy and have fun with them (your spouse)? If your marriage or relationship is in this kind of turbulence, then it is a worthy question to seriously consider. When your partner has lost interest in spending quality time with you, it's a sure sign it is all over. There is problem if your are forced to enjoy your partner. There is problem if you are constantly having a feeling of being shut out of your spouse's life. Definitely parting is imminent and around the corner.

YOU HAVE THE INCREASING URGE TO OTHERWISE DO HARMFUL THINGS
There comes sometimes that it is so bad in marriages and relationships that couples are forced to do things that are detrimental to their faith, beliefs, morals, sense of good judgment, or safety. Wishing evil to befall your partner or your spouse not ready to risk anything for you is a pointer that both of you are working out on your earlier vows. Ordinarily it's a normal act to see couples believing in and laying their lives for their loved ones and vice versa. If such kind of feeling is not in mutual terms, then you should rethink if your partner actually loves you or just simply wish you bad and perhaps wants you out of the way. Always remember the fact that everybody deserves love, happiness and respect and once you feel you can no longer give or guarantee them, then it's time to leave. Common sense tells us that life is very enjoyable if we are happy and contented. And it should be that way. Risking ones life for the promise of proving love can only be dangerous and costly in the end. Remember also that to love, honor and respect goes both ways and whereby this becomes a constant frictions, seek ways to resolve them and if you can not get headway through counseling and other means, then it's time to reconsider your commitment for the sake of your children and happiness.

TIPS ON HOW TO SOLIDIFY YOUR MAN'S LOVE AND ATTENSION FOR YOURSELF

Every now and then, as a woman who loves and cherish his man, who will strive hard and consciously to keep her relationship as long as possible, then you should know there are various ways, styles and means by which you can learn to practice or indulge yourself that will effectively arrest your lover or partners attention and love at all times. By the time you start putting this tips into practice, with extra effort and confidence, you will be amazed by their effect - pride, joy, trust, love, and confidence that will be exuding in around your man to you just because of your sincere and true charms. So savour the following tips and hopefully, it should help you through your intended desire to fulfilled and happy relationship.

PERSONAL CLEANLINESS - Your personal hygein both inward and outward really counts and it speak volume of your person. Your inside-clean-mindedness should as much as possible take a special and keen attension as does your outside takes and demand. Be sure to make personal hygein your number one culture. Every man loves a woman who scents clean and fresh inside-out, Infact it's even a turn on and one of the surest way to continually win your man's love and affection and keep him away from other devouring ladies. Taking baths regularly twice daily, with the right soap that favours your skin is good so that when your man intimately comes closer, confident you are and he too, is not by any means turned off sexually by any foul smell emanating out from you. Also ensure that the private parts are neatly washed. Ideally regular douching with summer eve should leave you feeling fresh, confident and completely feminine. Clean - shaving your under arm and pubic hair should also be a routine practice.

SMART CLOTHES AND HAIRSTYLE - Putting on that pretty, self-esteemed and head-raising appearance doesn't mean you breaking the bank. You don't have to look too expensive either to get the desired attention. But putting on simple but trendy clothes should put you in the right path. Your hairstyles however should be more pronounced. They say the hair is the beauty of every woman, so take time to pamper it, put on smashing and breathtaking styles that will truelly bring out the beauty in you. Your hairstyles only can even do the job. Your man will be all over you, complimenting, leering and drooling. He will admire your sense of fashion and the effort you put to impress him by looking nice, fresh and beautiful at all times and you will never be disappointed by the endless, admiration, compliments, attention and love he will be dishing out on you.

COOKING - If you haven't known it yet, good food is also the secret path to a man's heart. The hunk of a man who is always by your side, who is your love and partner also loves food. Good food is too great a temptation to resist. So roll out those great, irresistible and delicious meals. Make him look healthy, happy and contended with your good and well cooked food and you are on your sure way to receiving appreciation and accolades from your man. Infact if your food reminds of home, it also reminds him of you and home he wants to be with you and your wonderful recipes.

FRIENDSHIP - Be not only his lover but his true friend and freely flirt with him. In every scenerio and condition show him he is yours all the way. Wear a friendly and smilling face and you will be amazed by the this healthy weapon you have at your disposal. It pays you a great deal to smile than to frown. Frowning twist the muscles in your face and quickly turns you older and uglier. So smile and look beautiful. Compliment his new haircut, dressing and looks. Ask about his work or business and advice him in areas you know you can help. When he is home flirt about him and whisper sexy words into his ears. Text or call him whenever he is away on a trip. Show him you are very concerned about his general well being. His love for you will know no bound.

INTERCOURSE - When your man or partner is in love with you and you in love with him, you have to reciprocate or compliment with adequate sex now and then. Any relationship that truelly wants to bond, sexual intercourse plays a major role. You can't claim to love your man and yet you can't give him sex or satisfy him sexually. If food is the key to a man's heart then sex is the quickest way to a man's soul. So give him that great sex. Your ability to satisfy your man or partner will go a long way to solidify his love for you. Love making is an art and learning to be creative and giving him modern styles will also do you some good, that he will never ever want to loose you.

However in your effort to achieve happiness in your relationship and to always win the love of the man you love, apply your charms or strategies subtly and resourcefully. Don't be artificial but your true self. Don't be showy or pushy, less you get rebuff instead. Be reliable. Be honest. Be generous. And all his love is yours.

BEING CONSCIOUS OF THE STAGES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS VERY CRUCIAL

Now this is very important. Are you dating, about to go into a relationhip or a married couple? Then please hold on a while and digest this. It's extreemly important for you to know that your relationship periodically go through three stages (in love, in conflict and withdrawal stages) all through it's life span. How well you steer your relationship will determine the frequency at which you move from one stage into another and also how long you stay in a particular stage.

IN LOVE
This is the ideal stage. Once in, you never want to get out of it. At this stage it's so blissful, magical and perfect. You are so much in love that, you yearn all the time to be with your partner as much as your partner too would want to be with you. To you, the world only revolve around you and your partner. It's like a sweet dream to a fantasy island, never to come back or wake up from it. At this your relationship is so healthy and it's able to withstand any conflict that may hit or tries to sway it out of track. As much as possible employ all arsenal at your disposal to stay longer in this stage because in all fairness, this is where your relationship is supposed to be anchored. Ofcourse it's not all bed of rosses all the way. Mistakes and problems will always find a way to creep in to test or damage your relationship. So watch it and never, never linger too long in conflict. Never take lightly to aguements, cause a harmless aguement could well go on to be the decider to your happiness. Therefore as much as you desire to be happy, make every conscious effort too to be in the "in love" stage at all times.

IN CONFLICT
You and your partner are all smiles a minute ago. The next minute both of you have started agueing and before you both know it, it has gotten out of control. She is hauling the sofas and screaming "dick head" at him and he in turn is threatening fire and brimestone and calling her " you bitch". This is the simple way conflicts can creep into your relationship and if not well handled will definitely shipwreck the relationship. In the conflict stage of your relationship, letting your fights, quarels and aguements not a single breather and adequately resolving your differences is the ultimate key to salvaging your relationship and relaunching it back into the "in love" stage. However, the "in conflict" stage too is a unique place. while it's not the ideal or pleasant stage to be, it could be the platform where the sincerety of both or one partner to the success of a relationship is tested. It also affords couples and partners the opportunity for the esterblishment of greater bonds that truely sets relationsip aright and stronger. So it's not necessary a bad thing when your relationship move into the "in conflict" stage so far you don't allow it to plung further into the withdrawal stage. Whenever your relationsip is in the "in conflict" stage, blaming, nagging, forcing your partner into submission,being judgemental or showing outburst of anger is no way save your relationsip, instead learning to say a simple "am sorry" could do your relationsip lots of good, more than you can ever imagine.

WITHDRAWAL STAGE
This is the dangerous stage in every relationship. This stage is as a result poor handling of the "in conflict" stage. Often times, when conflicts are left to rest unecessarily for too long. When both or one partner feels no need to initiate a dialogue session. When both or one partner feels cheated or has grown out love toward the other or have lost faith in the relationship is the simple and obvious reasons why many relationships suffer and eventually nosedive into the withdrawal stage. At this stage nothing else matters or works and it's extreemely difficult to streamline any relationships back on track. Even if there is an effort to resolve issues, such an attempt is viewed or met with suspicion so that back "in love" remains a mirage and dissolution becomes the reality. The advice here is that, for your longlasting and fullfilling relationship, take your time to pick out and date someone that you share the same interest to a large extent and compatibility is also important. Picking unecessary fights, quarels and aguements isn't ideal. Do not allow conflicts to go unresolved one night. Always be true and sincere to your relationsip and success and happiness will be the bedrock of your relationship.

COPING WITH PROBLEMS THAT CHANGES BRINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP

As with all things under the universe, changes and adjustments are bound to occure, and it's no exception in every relationships. As you look at loving relationships, while it's clear that many will succeed, it's also clear that many are ultimately bound to fail. Typically people and their relationships changes and as this changes sets in, it becomes increasing paramount for partners or lovers to be willing to change in their response patterns towards each other. Often times, differencial prefernce between two people becomes glaring, with time and change to allow for a true, comfortable and fulfilling loving relationship.

Usually when changes sets in, what formally used to be a charming idiosyncrasy might in time become a grating nuisance. What seemed to be a sexual turn on may now become boring and humdrum. At these juncture, both or one of the partners lacks the sincerety, and desire to take the relationship to a higher level of true commitment. For example, a man may not well be motivated or have the desire to father a child at a time when his partner is desperate to have one. If not well handled, such relationship may eventually end up with either one or both choosing to end the affair and the bottom line here is that love holds no guarantees. Thus there is a lesson here to learn; that no matter how much couples or lovers profess love to each other, there is no guarantee that either both or one will not go against their commitment and choose to end the relationship.

Knowing, understanding and feeling good about onesself is very essential before going into a relationship because, to choose to love and enter into a relationship is risking to get hurt. Loving leaves one vulnerable and defenceless. Loving leaves one unprepared for an eventual breakup and how well one soaks up the pains and shock of an aftermath heartbreake is very crucial. Thus, reactions and/or actions that follows before and after the end of a relationship may quite vary with the nature of the breakup. If the final days of a relationship have been characterised with unhappiness, troubles and turmoil, deciding to end the relationship maybe the best and welcome relief. Anger too, an emotional reaction, if well used, represent healthy response that will not lead to depression and self depreciation. Crying too, they say "fixes all situation". Allowing yourself to cry is to truely experience it. Rushing to put the pain of a broken relationship behind you and hurrying to go into another isn't the answer. Grieve and rack the body with sobs so that all the pains and hurt are drained away. Also as the saying goes "time heals all wounds", giving yourself some time is also good. Time gives you the chance to be once more confident and trusting. So take time to learn and forget all the pains and disapoitment. Take time to recognise that losing a love is as much as a part of of life and loving as the joyful experience of falling in love. You will find out that allowing yourself to experience this process and seeking the help and support you need to get through it, you will then be able to put the painful past behind you and get on with life, eventually in a new and better relationship.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? ADOPTION?

The above title is the exact angry outburst of Mr. Anderson. He is frustrated. Reason? His wife have not been able to bear him children. "You? suggesting adopting a child? I can't believe am hearing this from you'', he continued even angrier. "Yes honey, his wife in a shaky voice tries to, without success for the umpteenth time to convince her husband about adoption. "I mean we can simply adop...... "shut up!, shut up I say", Mr. Anderson thundered, cutting his wife shot. "Now listen carefully, it's now clear that you can't give me children and do you know what am going to do?, yes am going to marry another wife who is going to give me children and you?, is definitely leaving this house.

Just like that. Almighty-without-blame Mr. Anderson passed his unfair judgement on his poor wife, worst still, banishing her from the home she has come to accept as her own. How would she take this? Certainly not good because she is already broken with total sense of deep loss. Unfortunately such is the travails of women in Africa and particularly in Nigeria matrimonial homes who can not bear their own kids.

Now talking about adoption; In the Europe and America. Adoption is a beautiful and welcome idea for couples who can't have their own biological chilren. Thus adoption saves the day and pressures are eliminated for these couples, bringing in happiness and ultimately sustaining relationship between husbands and wives. But in Nigeria, adoption is like a lone song being sung by the very few. Yes!, statistic shows that the number of couples who take to adoption as an alterntive means of having their own kids and family are very low. Terribly low are this statistics that the society don't see it and ofcourse no thanks to cultural barriers and unpopular campaign.

However, unless a continous and positive and educative awareness is staged to popularise and vigourously encourage couples to go for adoption, lots of homes and marriage are going to suffer and the poor wives, just like the case of Mrs. Anderson will always be the real loosers. And talking about saving homes and marriages, had it been that adoption had been well poularised, campaigned and councelled in clinics, government agencies and concerned private sector, perhaps maybe the fate that had befallen Mrs. Anderson would not have been. Mr. Anderson perhaps too would not have blastered, thundered and threatened his wife of her home and happiness. So are you out there?, in the same situation as the Anderson's? Please stop asking.... What? Adoption? As if it's a plague, instead embrace it, keep your wife and live happily ever after.

LOVE OR FEAR

The relationship you have with your kids will either negatively or positively affect their lives as they develop from a child into an adult. On these particular day, I came back from work some few minutes to six in the evening. As I emerge through the gate, my neighbour's kids, John and his sister, Ruth, aged 6 and 4 were already both at my side welcoming me. For some weeks now I have noticed that they are always alone, just the two of them, always arround to welcome me. As they ushered me to my door which they are always eager to reach and go through, I heared John say "my daddy will always stay at that his stupid block shop and will not want to come home on time" before I could react to his words, his sister added " yes our daddy closes early but comes home late" I immediately wanted to rebuke them but instead quickly opened the door and they happily followed me in. They are now used to staying at my place until well after 9, the time their father usually comes home. I later reflected on it and I have come to pity and take sides with them. They obviously knew that once it's 7p.m, their daddy should leave his now dark block shop and come to them. they also seem to accepttheir mother's absence ( she normally works night shifts) and as such they expect love and attention from their dad but they are not getting it. In some other scenerio, kids live in utter fear and terror, even under the same roof with their parents and this shameless terrorist may either be the mother or the father. In Nigeria today, mothers in failed marriages tends to be very hostile to the child who is the product of an unfortunate relationship. While some fathers instill fear not only on their kisds but the entire family. Such is the unimaginable damage that the child ends up as the worst hit. Kids like this grow up developing multiple inferority complex, lacking confidence and trust. They are always withdrawn to themselves. When daddy the tormentor is arround, the kids no longer talks freely. They talk in hushed voices and in whispers. When he shouts, they scurry in fear away from him and as such they never show and reach their God-given potentials. For a child not to be damaged irrepairable, society should watch closely the ralationship that a child gets from his or her immediate enviroment. It should be the love therapy and not the otherwise because love makes them bold, free and intelligent, gives them confidence so that they learn how to take reasonable and healthy risk. And above all love gives them the opportunity to appreciate life and to express love to others. Encouragely enough in Nigeria, current trends show that a lot of parent are giving quality love and time to their family but a larger chunk of the society too can't do the same because of poverty.

LIKE BARACK OBAMA, YOU TOO

Maintaining true and real relationships, married or not exist with a varying degree of trust, confidence, understanding, care, affection and ultimately love. And that is how beautifully and enviously the april's issue of TRUE LOVE WEST AFRICA MAGAZINE painted the married life of America's promising Illinoise senator and presidential hopeful of the most powerful nation on earth, Barack Obama. The giver of all this priceless support is of course wife and mother, Michelle Obama and also not forgetting their two adourable daugthers. Maaaann! isn't this guy lucky? ofcourse he is more than lucky, cause in other situations and relationships, the guy may not be that lucky. In every marriage or relationship, the spouse or patner position exceedingly counts. She either makes or mar you, turns you into the ideal daddy or a useless good-for-nothing drunk, makes you healthier or sickly, makes you richer or poorer etc. this goes for both parties. Maintaining true and real relationship and for such relationship to withstand the test of time, will take alot of sacrifice and understanding from both patners because each patner may not be there all the time for each other. Described as Obama's "secret weapon", Michelle Obama support, advices, motivates and drives forward her buddy. She fondly calls him so cause she believes that is what he is. So are you looking for happiness and fullfilment? Then I give you the Obama's as a shining roll model to emulate. So like Barack Obama, you too can truely and really be happy and fulfilled as society would have wanted.